It is always a bitter-sweet feeling.
You feel happy for him, but simulataneously you couldn't suppress a feeling of loss. A loss I have no right of feeling. Because I am the one who had leave it unclaimed.
This isn't the first time I am faced with these kind of circumstances. It happens pretty often these few years. Perhaps I should feel blessed and disregard the sense of loss, because I was once, the center of their attentions.
An admirer is a person who showers you with affection, attention, concerns and you name it. They started their pursue on you, with the sole intention of winning your heart. Each pursue has a time limit. Usually lasts from a couple of months to 1 year. After that period of time, some of them would disappear from your life for once and for all. You wondered if everything had been a dream. Some would remain, but keep a distance on the outer circumference of your social circle.
Being admired is the most wonderful feeling. But if you couldn't return the affection, then you shouldn't keep it. It is only fair to let the admirer knows where they stand and encourage them to move on.
And they usually do move on. This is where the tricky part comes in. I sincerely feel happy for them, because they are great guys who deserved to be loved back in the same magnitude they are capable of loving. I wont want them to waste their life loitering around me when I couldn't return their affection. But when I do heard of their new gfs, when the couple photoes come in, when they stop contacting you, man it is a very weird feeling I get.
Maybe boys differentiate courtship and friendship better than I do. Always when I thought I have found a soulmate, the guy thought he had found a potential gf. A friendship with boys will usually change when he starts liking you, or when he starts seeing a girl. The friendship gets tuned down when he has a gf. This is understandable, but sad too. I am just naive to think that friendships with boys will never change.
Do I treat my male friends differently after I myself am in a relationship? Do my bf treat the girls differently after he is committed to me ? I am unsure of these myself.
However, it always warm my heart when I receive phone calls or sms from ex-admirers once in a blue moon, asking me how do I do. These are innocent calls without courting intentions, some of them are now happily in their new relationships, but somehow in their hearts, there is a tiny space for you, wishing you well. This knowledge alone touches me tremendously. And this is for the best, for them, and for me.
But I know :) , though they have moved on, I will always hope that I am the best girl they ever met in their lives.
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